Archive for October, 2011

Changed

Dear Reader,

It always amazes me how I offer people advice over and over when I know they don’t want it.  I really want to help some people even when I do not have the control over my life that I wish I had.  And yet again and again, I try to reach out because I think that something might be better or really help.  I am so convinced.  Why is that?  Even if I was right…it does not matter because you can not force the human mind.  So why do I keep trying?  If I have something to say then I need to do it once and leave it at that.

It’s time to let it go.  I am the master of my fate and no one else.  I suppose I could turn this blog around on myself as well by stating that when it comes down to it I make my own decisions and I go against other people’s thoughts and ideas of what is “best for me”.  So, there you go.  I’m a wild card.  I can not expect someone to change for me if I am not willing to change for them.

So, I guess today I am changed…maybe just a little.  For better or worse.

Sincerely,

J.P.

“In places no one will find…all your feelings so deep inside.”

Good Place

Hello There!  Happy October!

Life has actually been really quite good for me recently.  Sure, there have been a few bumps but I feel I am arriving at a “Good Place”.  It’s seems that solutions to all of my questions and problems are now being manifested for the simple reason that I finally let some stress go and I’m starting to treat myself a little better.

I get concerned about my actions and words at times.  This past year I started a lot of different projects and was going in a lot of different directions, but that is okay because honestly I was just trying to make some money.  Money to support myself, get out of debt, and maybe help some friends along the way.  Money is such a fickle thing and there are times I put a lot of emphasis on it and other times that I do not.  For me, the most important thing is the well being of my family and friends.  (That includes me.)

I would say generally I am a happy person but I do take things too serious and let situations overwelm me.  This past week I let an English paper overwhelm me with so with much stress that I cracked because I just could not get my finger around it.  When I turned it in it was far from completion but I found out I was going to have the chance to rewrite it.  I was happy about that but I was also not happy that I had let myself get so consumed because I really wanted to make a good grade.  During that same class period my teacher gave us our midterm grades and I had a A-.  (And here I am about to stroke out over grades…uh!)

One of my goals in life is to be happy with what I get done no matter what my grade is and no matter what other people think of the quality of my work.  I want to be content and stress less…so that is what I am going to do.  That is why the last 2 days have been SO WONDERFUL.  I accept the perfectionist I am and I also accept the slow and steady pace of my work.

Love,

J.P.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here.  How I landed in this space, but it’s a good place.” –  Good Place by David Archuleta