Loss of Interest

Unfortunately, I have appeared to have lost my interest in playing piano and composing music.  This is something that I have done since I was 15.  I have taken breaks from composing before but it seems like I am just not getting anything done musically.

I used to practice for an hour or two everyday.  I was absorbed in my work.  I was passionate.  It’s not that case anymore…I have to “make myself” play through my compositions every once in a while so I don’t forget them…not that I could forget them since I’ve played them thousands of times.

I really like my most recent composition Luminescence.  It was coming along fine for a while but it’s been months since I’ve written a since note.  So, I hate to say it but I’m not going to force myself to play…I’m only going to play when I feel like playing.

So, I read a lot of self-help books.  I am all about setting goals and having a definite chief aim and all of that but unfortunately I’ve lost of my passionate for my #1 goal which was to be a composer.

Being a composer is actually a very difficult and challenging goal.  It’s certainly not something out of my realm of possibility, but it’s just not something I feel driven to do right now.  (And I feel terrible about it!)

Eric thinks I need to explore my other interests…which I am trying to do.  But I’m not really ready to call it quits on the music.  I’m also not willing to put the time into it right now since I don’t enjoy it like I once did.  Maybe it’s a phase.  Maybe it’s something entirely different.

Either way I did enjoy playing piano for my boss and co-workers for a little fundraiser I put on for Furkids.  (Raised $400!)  So, my piano is not going entirely unused.  Maybe I’m a little too hard on myself but I do feel unmotivated and not as interested in composing right now…but I’m hoping that it will come back to me cause it’s something I really have enjoyed in the past.

Wish me luck!

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