Unfortunately, I have appeared to have lost my interest in playing piano and composing music. This is something that I have done since I was 15. I have taken breaks from composing before but it seems like I am just not getting anything done musically.
I used to practice for an hour or two everyday. I was absorbed in my work. I was passionate. It’s not that case anymore…I have to “make myself” play through my compositions every once in a while so I don’t forget them…not that I could forget them since I’ve played them thousands of times.
I really like my most recent composition Luminescence. It was coming along fine for a while but it’s been months since I’ve written a since note. So, I hate to say it but I’m not going to force myself to play…I’m only going to play when I feel like playing.
So, I read a lot of self-help books. I am all about setting goals and having a definite chief aim and all of that but unfortunately I’ve lost of my passionate for my #1 goal which was to be a composer.
Being a composer is actually a very difficult and challenging goal. It’s certainly not something out of my realm of possibility, but it’s just not something I feel driven to do right now. (And I feel terrible about it!)
Eric thinks I need to explore my other interests…which I am trying to do. But I’m not really ready to call it quits on the music. I’m also not willing to put the time into it right now since I don’t enjoy it like I once did. Maybe it’s a phase. Maybe it’s something entirely different.
Either way I did enjoy playing piano for my boss and co-workers for a little fundraiser I put on for Furkids. (Raised $400!) So, my piano is not going entirely unused. Maybe I’m a little too hard on myself but I do feel unmotivated and not as interested in composing right now…but I’m hoping that it will come back to me cause it’s something I really have enjoyed in the past.
Wish me luck!