It was nice to have the rain beating down on me today as I rode my bike around early this morning. I was angry and wanted to get rid of some of the responsibilities that I had laid upon myself. What I found is that I am just one person and I can not do everything on my own. I have a be strong enough to accept help and then go with that help as willingly as possible. It can be hard at times but I finally think I have come to a nice place. A place where I can be myself and learn and grow into the person I wish to become.
I often think of the many great things I can do with my life, but probably the best piece of advice I received recently was that I need to live just one day at a time. It’s time to slow down and enjoy life for all the simple beauties that it possesses.
Life is good…and so is pizza.
It always amazes me how I offer people advice over and over when I know they don’t want it. I really want to help some people even when I do not have the control over my life that I wish I had. And yet again and again, I try to reach out because I think that something might be better or really help. I am so convinced. Why is that? Even if I was right…it does not matter because you can not force the human mind. So why do I keep trying? If I have something to say then I need to do it once and leave it at that.
It’s time to let it go. I am the master of my fate and no one else. I suppose I could turn this blog around on myself as well by stating that when it comes down to it I make my own decisions and I go against other people’s thoughts and ideas of what is “best for me”. So, there you go. I’m a wild card. I can not expect someone to change for me if I am not willing to change for them.
So, I guess today I am changed…maybe just a little. For better or worse.
“In places no one will find…all your feelings so deep inside.”
Hello There! Happy October!
Life has actually been really quite good for me recently. Sure, there have been a few bumps but I feel I am arriving at a “Good Place”. It’s seems that solutions to all of my questions and problems are now being manifested for the simple reason that I finally let some stress go and I’m starting to treat myself a little better.
I get concerned about my actions and words at times. This past year I started a lot of different projects and was going in a lot of different directions, but that is okay because honestly I was just trying to make some money. Money to support myself, get out of debt, and maybe help some friends along the way. Money is such a fickle thing and there are times I put a lot of emphasis on it and other times that I do not. For me, the most important thing is the well being of my family and friends. (That includes me.)
I would say generally I am a happy person but I do take things too serious and let situations overwelm me. This past week I let an English paper overwhelm me with so with much stress that I cracked because I just could not get my finger around it. When I turned it in it was far from completion but I found out I was going to have the chance to rewrite it. I was happy about that but I was also not happy that I had let myself get so consumed because I really wanted to make a good grade. During that same class period my teacher gave us our midterm grades and I had a A-. (And here I am about to stroke out over grades…uh!)
One of my goals in life is to be happy with what I get done no matter what my grade is and no matter what other people think of the quality of my work. I want to be content and stress less…so that is what I am going to do. That is why the last 2 days have been SO WONDERFUL. I accept the perfectionist I am and I also accept the slow and steady pace of my work.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here. How I landed in this space, but it’s a good place.” – Good Place by David Archuleta
This has been one of those days in which I am so tired and worn down. I’ve been helping my old marching band and I feel the need to just get a few things off of my chest. Usually I use my hubpages account when I have something that would make a great article, but I’m not entirely sure my rambles make a good read, and so they are more for me then for anyone else.
This is the life of John Preston Dennis. The need to have so many various creative outlets.
I keep thinking in my mind how rich and successful I am, but I do get discouraged sometimes because honestly the money is not physically there yet. I don’t tend to worry about money too much except for when I am in need of things such as a new pair of shoes or food.
And so I will be getting paid in a couple of days. New pair of shoes…put $50 aside for my recording session in September.
With everything I do I seem to always feel the need to do more and more and more until I finally break down and come to the point of “loosing it” or “slightly loosing it.”
I have to keep my head up. I have many ideas, but I want to get them all laid out in front of me (pick 1 or 2) and set the others aside. I wanna go all the way. I always have and I no longer accept the idea that I can not make a living writing music or being in business for myself.
Part of the battle is accepting myself and just doing it.
And so I have begun… and now I am literally getting everything that I want within reasonable limits. (Those limits being positive….because life is worth living.)
So today once again I found myself removing certain blogs and postings over the internet. I have to think to myself do people really need to know every detail of my personal life? Am I ready for that to be out there? Even if it is for just a couple of people.
I have to be careful with what I post but at the same time I do love getting comments and thoughts from strangers about how to handle such an interesting life such as mine.
I am tired of being tired and so I choose to be more energetic and yet that energy gets me in trouble over and over again. I start doing things I really should not and even though they are not the worst things in the world they certainly are not the best. However, I find that I really do a lot of good in the world.
Wednesday, I will be volunteering for the homeless cats again at Petco if everything goes well. I have been earning some money mowing lawns and teaching piano. It feels nice to have a few dollars and I am somewhat reluctant to even give it to anything but things that will give me instant gratification such as a movie or CD.
But I have to let go of that and just keep it simple. What happens will happen and it’s time to move on and just simplify my life. Perhaps it would be good to sit down and make a basic plan and then take those steps I need to take to slow the mind and empower the will that is to drive me to greater things.
Time to ease my mind…
Sometimes I feel that life is just passing me by, which it is. But what I feel sometimes is that things are happening so fast that I can’t get a grip on the current. It seems like every time I get something down something else comes into plays and throws things totally out of whack. Sometimes it is for the better and sometimes it is not.
I wonder though if I could just take a breather for a moment and make the Earth slow down. Maybe quiet down all the distractions and just focus on what is truly important in life.
About a month ago I got angry and broke my cell phone in half. I needed a break from people having to get hold of me for every little thing. I even deleted my facebook page for a day and some of my friends were not happy so I reactivated it. But do I have to make everyone happy all the time? No, not really.
So, I am considering doing a special week fast. Maybe starting next week. At first I thought I would do facebook fast, but now I kind of want to do an Electronic Drug Fast. (funny name huh?) It would last for 7-days and I would not get on a cell phone, computer, T.V., radio, video game, or anything electronic. I would communicate via letter. (Imagine that.) I would simplify my life. Maybe I would even eliminate driving a car…although I might need to get to school or work, but I could just ride my bike more maybe.
I really want to do this. Perhaps I should wait until school finishes, and perhaps I should not.
I guess it is all up to me. I love being in complete control for something like this.